Hey guys so I’ve not wrote a blog in a while and I thought what better way to kick off 2018. So in this blog I’m gonna put stuff in here which may upset people as I’m opening up about everything and some things I’ve never said before so here it goes😘

I never thought I would make it to 2016 at one point in my life never mind 2018. After a really hard few years with more tears and sadness than happy times. It’s no wonder I went through a dark time in my life and allowed not only others to bring me down and destroy me as a person but I allowed myself to do just the same. Which hurts to think that I was tearing down, destroying myself. I couldn’t help it, once I started, I couldn’t stop.

I’m addicted to Anorexia and I know I shouldn’t be and I know the best thing for me is to let it go b b but I just can’t, Anorexia was there for me when no one else was, when I felt like I had nobody and I wasn’t loved, Anorexia stood by me and made me feel a little less lonely, what can I say I bonded with an eating disorder and if I let go what then when people start to leave me, I will tell you I will be alone and have nobody again. I can’t let go of anorexia no matter how much I try to I just can’t do it, no matter how close I was to death at least I wouldn’t be lonely.

When I was hospitalised I lay in the hospital bed with my mum next to me. Both of us with tears in our eyes because I was told I only had a week to live before my organs would start to shut down and I would no longer be kirsty graham I would just be a memory to all of you. That hit hard to my family especially my mum as I was her only child and before me she had a miscarriage. I didn’t think I was gonna make it to Christmas 2015, I thought I was gonna die because of how far I took my anorexia I tried to kill Myself with it and as much as I wanted to stop I couldn’t it wouldn’t let me, anorexia took over my life and wouldn’t let me stop and it took me as far as it could and if I didn’t get the help I needed i may not be here writing this to you, I would have been that girl who starved herself to death because she just wanted to be liked, to be good enough, to feel something more than pain.

But I made it to 2018 and as I look back on my journey I am learning to love myself again, learning to be happy, learning to be independent. Because I am so glad I have made it to 2018 because I have met some amazing people on this journey and I am so grateful to have them in my life or even have them for a little part of it. This journey has taught me that I will grab happiness when I see it and I won’t let go. After this experience (which is it not over yet)it has made me strive to be a mental health nurse to help people who are like me, who deserve to be happy.

P.S I cried writing this ❤️x