Dancing. Laughing. Baking. Travelling. Partying. Family. Friends. Music. Concerts. Loving. Sleeping. Food. Living. The list of things that I have just written are reasons for me to recover from anorexia. This list is used as a constant reminder of a life worth recovering for. To some people the things on this list might be a little mundane. But for me they are all a reason to recover. They are all things I used to take for granted before my eating disorder but am now very grateful for.

The saddest thing for me was that I had to hit rock bottom verge of death before realising that I didn’t want to live the rest of my life crying over food, hating my body. However I am able to look back on my experience and be thankful as it made me a stronger person. I will never be grateful for my eating disorder but I will be thankful because without it I wouldn’t be the person I am today that’s for sure.

My story began at a very young age. I always kinda thought I was that “chubby” friend. So I thought a little diet wouldn’t harm anyone, it was never anything extreme until a few months into my first year at high school. My behaviour towards food slowly started to become more extreme. My entire life from then became this obsession over food and my body image. I planned all of my meals down to every calorie. I cut out so many foods I used to enjoy especially what I classed as “junk food”. At the start it was hard I was constantly hungry, craving for food but eventually the feeling of hunger and pain stopped. I got better at saying no, at lying, at hiding my food. The hard part was once I started I couldn’t stop.

It took me a while to realise how lost in my eating disorder that I had become. I then began to see everything I had lost. My Friends. My Family. My Motivation. My Personality. My smile. My Life. Enough was enough I couldn’t live like this anymore. As hard as it was for me, I agreed to see a doctor and get help. Only then did I realised what a scary world I had entered so close to saying goodbye for good. Recovery was not easy for me at all. Unfortunately I had to get worse before I could get better. I had strived for this “perfect body” for so long and now I was gaining weight again. I was physically getting better but mentally struggling with this change.

However here I am, I made it to the other side. Through this journey I learned a lot about myself, I learned there was forgiveness to give and receive, I learned who my true friends were, I learned there is always hope but most of all I slowly started to learn to accept myself and love myself for who I am.