So this is the start of a new year. Wow what a year 2016 was. I don’t think it was a good year for many people but for me it was especially a difficult and hard year. As many of you know due to my other blogs I haven’t had the best few years. 2015 wasn’t great for me either I got diagnosed with anorexia nervosa so when 2016 was rollin up I was like yes 2016 is going to be my year to get better but unfortunately 2016 wasn’t my year I ended up struggling really bad with depression and anorexia which I am still struggling with.

Anorexia and Depression have made my life so hard. I have difficulty being happy in my own body and loving myself. I have so many insecurities and confidence issues I didn’t have before anorexia and depression. I think all my friends and family hates me and I am talking to this guy that i like so much but i don’t think he likes me so I have pushed him away because i know I am by good enough for him and he doesn’t really like me.  I look in the mirror and wonder to myself why can’t I be pretty? Why can’t I be thin? Why does nobody like me? So many questions I ask myself everyday. Maybe I would be better off dead because maybe it wasn’t my destiny to live for long.

I asked one of my best friends what to write for my next blog cause I wanted to write one as I enjoy writing these for others to read and maybe inspire them to help other or to help them self. Her idea was to write a letter to someone suffering with depression in a blog so I typed it out and sent it too her and the response I got back I wasn’t expecting.

This is the letter I wrote:

Dear Reader……. I know how hard it is to live life suffering everyday with depression to have to get up in the morning when all you want to do is not bother waking up because really what is the point I get it I go through it every single day I get it. I know how much you hate yourself how you wish to be dead everyday I know how you feel, I know how sad, lonely, isolated you feel because you feel nobody understands how you feel. I know your suffering and I know your finding it hard to find a reason to live but I promise you it will get better this is just a tiny part of your life, things will get better if you let it please just take this leap of faith and let yourself believe things will get better because if you can believe you can do and it will happen. I get it I understand your scared of being happy just in case you fall and it happens all over again that you get so depressed your ready to take your own life but I promise you if you fall I will pick up every single piece of you and put you back together because you deserve to be happy, to feel loved but most of all you deserve to feel worthy of having a life.

She sent it back to me and said to me how come you will believe in someone else? But not yourself? And that hit deep I never thought about it like that. And that’s when I was like it’s time, it’s time for me to get myself back on my feet and begin a new path in my journey of life. Last night I decided 2017 will be my year and I will make sure of that I don’t care how long it takes but I am getting control of my life back again. There will be bad days and good days while I recover but I will triumph the bad days because I am getting control of my life whether depression and anorexia like that. I will no longer fuel the fire with negative thoughts, I choose to be happy

I CHOOSE RECOVERY!!

Thank you to my best friend for helping me x