You have been with me for 4 years now. I wonder everyday why you chose to live inside me. You came into my life four years ago and now you don’t seem to want to go. There is nothing else I can give you, I already gave you my life, I fed your thoughts with not feeding myself, I did everything you told me to do. So why, why can’t you go away now? You destroyed every single part of me, you destroyed me so much that I was no longer myself, I was a monster created by anorexia. I was 11 years old but you didn’t care and you still don’t. All I thought about was food and calories and how fat I was every second of the day. I was ELEVEN, ELEVEN I should have been worrying about boys not food and how many calories I ate that day, I should have been hanging out with my friends not worrying just in case we went out because I didn’t know if I was going to eat and if so how many calories were in each meal. You have damaged me so much, because of you I find it hard to trust everyone, because of you I’m afraid to let people in, they see what I let them see. I show everyone this strong, confident, brave, tough girl but I’m not I am not of that, I am lonely, sad, weak, damaged but I don’t blame you Anorexia, I blame myself for letting you in, for helping you destroy me. I was just a body to you, I was just a body you lived in nothing more, nothing less, you controlled everything I did, you used me for my body. You nearly killed me, I was on the verge of death. What then if you killed me, what would happen to you? You would kill yourself not just me but that’s okay because you don’t care about me, you only care about my body. As an eleven year old I thought you were my friend, what a naive eleven year old I was, little did I know you were going to be my worse enemy. I’m done with you, I’m done with feeding your thoughts, I will no longer let you control me. I am writing to you to tell you I forgive you anorexia, it’s time I move on from what you have done to me. You are in my past that doesn’t mean you have to be in my future. So I choose to forgive you. So I can move on with my life. You are no longer in control.
Goodbye Anorexia x